Accidentally Naked

Some recent posts on other blogs (along with my own last entry) brought a subject to mind that I haven’t thought about in awhile: accidental exposure. Specifically, those times when you really don’t mean to be naked in front of random people, but somehow that’s the way the chips (or clothes) fall. I have already recounted my the story of my unintentional lakeside nude theater performance.

This incident doesn’t stand alone in my accidentally exposed annals. (Note: I had no idea this sentence was funny until I read it back before posting.) Of course, nearly every woman has experienced some sort of bikini/swimsuit malfunction, so it comforts me to know there is a sisterhood of accidental nudes. Still, I do wonder if my unintended exposures number a bit on the high side for one girl.

One especially embarrassing incident occurred during a summer babysitting job. The family decided upon a trip to the beach, and I had gone into a guest room to change into a modest one-piece swimsuit. Unfortunately, exactly as my panties (my last piece of clothing) dropped to the floor, the children’s father strolled into the room.

Picture it: Thirtysomething red-blooded man walks in on stark naked virginal teenaged babysitter. I know, it sounds like the beginning of bad porn, but it wasn’t sexy at all. We both momentarily froze from the shock!

Our brains must have clicked back on simultaneously, with him red-cheeked and blustering, “Sorry!”, while I futilely tried to cover my important bits with my hands, shrieking “GET OUUUUTTT!” In retrospect, probably not the ideal move on my part, considering the wife was downstairs, and it should’ve caused her to come running. The gods of pity must’ve been with me that day, because she was outside, which was the only possible way she could’ve avoided hearing my scream.

The father tried to apologize to me later, but I stopped him, probably by covering my ears with my hands to indicate that we would never, ever talk about this again. I don't think either of us told the wife, which interests me, because while neither of us tried to do something wrong, we both felt guilty of something. This feeling must’ve subsided quickly enough, because I don’t remember subsequently looking at this man for the rest of the summer and thinking, “he saw me naked.”

Another incident occurred a few years later. While I have previously extolled the benefits of hotels, I must advise that one should always inspect one’s hotel room upon arrival. On this particular trip, I was quite tired upon checking in.

As I entered the room and turned on the lights, I immediately dropped my bags to the floor. I began peeling off my clothes in eager anticipation of a welcome hot shower. Since my room was at least ten floors up, it never occurred to me to close the curtains before undressing.

After discarding the last of my clothing, I couldn’t help but notice the room was a bit chilly. I made my way over to the air conditioning unit by the window, adjusting the settings to my liking. Suddenly, a movement outside the window caught my eye.

I belatedly realized I was looking down into an indoor courtyard, which conveniently contained a bar full of people! Who were in turn eyeing me without a scrap of clothing on. Again, I had that “freezing” moment, before grabbing the curtains and dragging them to cover the window!

I stood there momentarily, with the images of these unsuspecting people’s shocked, amused, and even appreciative faces imprinted on my brain. Then, I couldn’t help it. I fell onto the bed in peals of laughter.

Being older by now and more confident of my body, I was at least able to enjoy the humor in having unwittingly given them such a memorable free show. My sense of humor, however, does only get me so far. This next inadvertently exposed moment was the kind of thing I’d find funnier if it happened to someone else!

I was relaxing in the comfort of my own home, which ought to be the safest naked place possible. I live in a rural setting, and even the nearest neighbors cannot see into my house from theirs. My den does feature a huge bay window, though, so you know where this is going.

Normally, I change in a bedroom. On this day, the clothes I wanted were in the closest room off the den. Since the den is more spacious, I carried my outfit only as far as there to begin changing.

As I peeled off the last bit of my clothing (I do really need to start looking around before chucking the panties), I felt this strange sensation of someone else’s presence. I was alone in the house, so initially discounted it. Unable to shake the feeling for several seconds, I finally looked to the window to reassure myself.

What I saw was anything but reassuring. The neighbors’ developmentally disabled teenaged son was standing on my porch, face pressed to the glass. As I unleashed my blood-curdling scream, the boy whipped his head away from the window, disappearing from view.

He hadn’t, however, departed. After a few seconds went by, I heard a knock on the front door. Followed by the very much quavering voice of the teen, saying his parents wanted to know if I needed help mowing my lawn.

I immediately snapped out, “Nooo…. thanks anyway….” in the hopes he would just go away. It amused me later that although he had watched me undress, I thanked him, but my primary aim at that time was to just get rid of him! Besides, I knew he hadn’t come over with the intention of peeping, but since the opportunity presented itself…. even the slowest of teenage boys understands such chances are few and far between.

This particular occurrence of unintended exposure bothered me a lot more than the others. I think the combination of his age and his handicap just made it all very uncomfortable. He must’ve told his dad, and strangely, I ended up being glad for this.

Probably because his dad was able to reassure me I didn’t scar the lad for life. Later, after noticing the boy always had a huge smile for me following the incident, I realized that I likely gave the kid the thrill of his life to that point, and resolved not to be so uptight about it. Still, after that, I did always check my surroundings before changing in the den!