Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Accidentally Naked


Some recent posts on other blogs (along with my own last entry) brought a subject to mind that I haven’t thought about in awhile: accidental exposure. Specifically, those times when you really don’t mean to be naked in front of random people, but somehow that’s the way the chips (or clothes) fall. I have already recounted my the story of my unintentional lakeside nude theater performance.

This incident doesn’t stand alone in my accidentally exposed annals. (Note: I had no idea this sentence was funny until I read it back before posting.) Of course, nearly every woman has experienced some sort of bikini/swimsuit malfunction, so it comforts me to know there is a sisterhood of accidental nudes. Still, I do wonder if my unintended exposures number a bit on the high side for one girl.

One especially embarrassing incident occurred during a summer babysitting job. The family decided upon a trip to the beach, and I had gone into a guest room to change into a modest one-piece swimsuit. Unfortunately, exactly as my panties (my last piece of clothing) dropped to the floor, the children’s father strolled into the room.

Picture it: Thirtysomething red-blooded man walks in on stark naked virginal teenaged babysitter. I know, it sounds like the beginning of bad porn, but it wasn’t sexy at all. We both momentarily froze from the shock!

Our brains must have clicked back on simultaneously, with him red-cheeked and blustering, “Sorry!”, while I futilely tried to cover my important bits with my hands, shrieking “GET OUUUUTTT!” In retrospect, probably not the ideal move on my part, considering the wife was downstairs, and it should’ve caused her to come running. The gods of pity must’ve been with me that day, because she was outside, which was the only possible way she could’ve avoided hearing my scream.

The father tried to apologize to me later, but I stopped him, probably by covering my ears with my hands to indicate that we would never, ever talk about this again. I don't think either of us told the wife, which interests me, because while neither of us tried to do something wrong, we both felt guilty of something. This feeling must’ve subsided quickly enough, because I don’t remember subsequently looking at this man for the rest of the summer and thinking, “he saw me naked.”

Another incident occurred a few years later. While I have previously extolled the benefits of hotels, I must advise that one should always inspect one’s hotel room upon arrival. On this particular trip, I was quite tired upon checking in.

As I entered the room and turned on the lights, I immediately dropped my bags to the floor. I began peeling off my clothes in eager anticipation of a welcome hot shower. Since my room was at least ten floors up, it never occurred to me to close the curtains before undressing.

After discarding the last of my clothing, I couldn’t help but notice the room was a bit chilly. I made my way over to the air conditioning unit by the window, adjusting the settings to my liking. Suddenly, a movement outside the window caught my eye.

I belatedly realized I was looking down into an indoor courtyard, which conveniently contained a bar full of people! Who were in turn eyeing me without a scrap of clothing on. Again, I had that “freezing” moment, before grabbing the curtains and dragging them to cover the window!

I stood there momentarily, with the images of these unsuspecting people’s shocked, amused, and even appreciative faces imprinted on my brain. Then, I couldn’t help it. I fell onto the bed in peals of laughter.

Being older by now and more confident of my body, I was at least able to enjoy the humor in having unwittingly given them such a memorable free show. My sense of humor, however, does only get me so far. This next inadvertently exposed moment was the kind of thing I’d find funnier if it happened to someone else!

I was relaxing in the comfort of my own home, which ought to be the safest naked place possible. I live in a rural setting, and even the nearest neighbors cannot see into my house from theirs. My den does feature a huge bay window, though, so you know where this is going.

Normally, I change in a bedroom. On this day, the clothes I wanted were in the closest room off the den. Since the den is more spacious, I carried my outfit only as far as there to begin changing.

As I peeled off the last bit of my clothing (I do really need to start looking around before chucking the panties), I felt this strange sensation of someone else’s presence. I was alone in the house, so initially discounted it. Unable to shake the feeling for several seconds, I finally looked to the window to reassure myself.

What I saw was anything but reassuring. The neighbors’ developmentally disabled teenaged son was standing on my porch, face pressed to the glass. As I unleashed my blood-curdling scream, the boy whipped his head away from the window, disappearing from view.

He hadn’t, however, departed. After a few seconds went by, I heard a knock on the front door. Followed by the very much quavering voice of the teen, saying his parents wanted to know if I needed help mowing my lawn.

I immediately snapped out, “Nooo…. thanks anyway….” in the hopes he would just go away. It amused me later that although he had watched me undress, I thanked him, but my primary aim at that time was to just get rid of him! Besides, I knew he hadn’t come over with the intention of peeping, but since the opportunity presented itself…. even the slowest of teenage boys understands such chances are few and far between.

This particular occurrence of unintended exposure bothered me a lot more than the others. I think the combination of his age and his handicap just made it all very uncomfortable. He must’ve told his dad, and strangely, I ended up being glad for this.

Probably because his dad was able to reassure me I didn’t scar the lad for life. Later, after noticing the boy always had a huge smile for me following the incident, I realized that I likely gave the kid the thrill of his life to that point, and resolved not to be so uptight about it. Still, after that, I did always check my surroundings before changing in the den!

20 comments:

  1. Another great one, keep it up!

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  2. Loved the post! Very funny stories.

    I've definitely also had my run-ins with accidental flashings. I live alone in a studio and spend a great deal of time naked (one of the perks not only of a recent break-up, but of living alone for the first time in my life.) My usual routine when I walk in the door is to strip down to my underwear and hang up my clothes in the closet in my foyer. Because I'm such an unabashedly naked dude, I tend to keep my blinds closed all the time.

    The other day, though, as I nudely pranced into my main room, I noticed to my horror that the landlord had been in my apartment and opened the blinds all the day. Coincidentally, of course, on the day that the apartment full of college guys in the adjacent building were hosting a barbecue on their balcony.

    I wish I'd had the quick wit slash ballsiness to whip out a couple of naked jumping jacks like it was no big deal, but alas, I could only lurch back to the closet, shrieking.

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  3. Awesome!

    You are so no alone in this. I am very much a chuck the panties first, then look at my surroundings kinda girl. Gets me in trouble quite often.

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  4. Loved the post - put a much needed smile on my face!

    I was in a show once at uni which involved being in underwear. A bit scary but do-able - unfortunately at some point during the twenty minute scantily dressed scene my nipple popped out. Humiliating wasn't the word and the rest of my class called me nips all term.

    Can't wait to read the next update

    Kate xx

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  5. Well...well...well I have nothing to say, but, I do have a huge smile..you know one of these kind of smiles :-)))))))))

    PS: beware of thinking you are alone...one of spy satellites way up in the sky just may be watching you...hahaha

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  6. Great post!

    Sometimes I can't help but to think that we walk into these kinds of situations, even if we don't mean to. Ok, maybe just me.

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  7. Hi Crunk! I await your next blog post!

    That Kind of Girl, if it helps, know that repeated accidental exposures in no way better equip you to deal with future ones. If and when it happens again, I will undoubtedly still shriek bloody murder!

    Vicamaya, I'm not sure how we train ourselves to *look* first, chuck second, but if you figure it out, let me know!

    Kate! Oh, the horror! On the plus side, I'll wager your popularity at school skyrocketed after that!

    FG Sakes -- oh, great. Just what I need to be doing, showing my business on Google Earth. Yikes!

    Cee, maybe it is just you. Just kidding -- clearly, I *do* walk into these kind of situations, whether I mean to or not! I'm fairly sure *not* is the case in all three posted stories, though!

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  8. Hahahahahaha! When I lived in my apartment, I often would forget that my blinds would be open. So I'd walk out still dressing or partially dressed and remember as soon as I realized I could see the neighbors and dash back into my room. The worst was when I'd really need to use the restroom - I didnt close the door (heck, I lived alone!) and would forget the blinds. *forehead smack!*

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  9. Those are indeed amusing tales! At least there wasn't a Google Street View car around at the time...

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  10. Carrie, I hear you! Bizarrely, my front door lines up precisely with the bathroom door. Not sure what the home builder had in mind there. Maybe he was an exhibitionist?

    CoatMan, hmm, not that I *know* of, anyway!

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  11. Very funny stories, and many of us have similar ones. I often wonder how many times people have seen me naked without me ever knowing it! I bet it's happened more than once.

    ~Steven~

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  12. Hi Steven-

    I never thought of there being times when people could've seen me naked without my knowing it! I'm hoping that hasn't happened, but then, I'll never know!

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  13. So funny... even though I'm sure it wasn't at the time ;-)

    I can't remember a time where this happened to me... but I'm going to "accidentally" put myself in this situation the next time I'm in a fitting room.

    I think "accidentally" walking out, or maybe leaving the door/curtain half open would be sooo much fun. The looks on their faces would be hilarious.

    Ok... after reading this back, it kind of creeped me out. Prolly not going to do that!

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  14. Nice recounting of events. The father, when you were a babysitter, was mjostly likely embarassed at having violated your privacy, nothing mroe, at least in this case.

    On hotels. For two years, my office window looked across to a mid-1970's modern hotel with complete windown-walls. My office faced west. I saw the side of the hotel facing east. The morning sun bathed the room interious in light. My office was far enough away that people did not think anyone could see. Wrong. Of course, the office had several sets of binoculars, used as much by the women as the men. My main conclusion is that you DO NOT want to see most of what goes on in hotel rooms. Repeat, DO NOT. And alway pull across those light curtains if you value your privacy.

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  15. Dayne, if you're feeling adventurous, I'd at least advise not "accidentally" walking nudely anywhere people know you. The hotel incident was the most bearable because at least I could think to myself, "I'll never see these people again"!

    Ben, welcome. I suspect the father was also a bit embarrassed at the whole nude teenager visual, too, but oh well. We got past it quickly, so that's good!

    Thanks for the advice on hotel rooms. Now that I know there are offices out there stocked with binoculars, I'll be even more careful in the future!

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  16. Can you let me know next time you think you might accidentally be naked?

    Thanks.

    On a positive not, all of the bar patrons who saw you naked won't recognize you with clothes on. Go ahead and mingle.

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  17. That was a good recounting. I must admit I have had a few incidents of being discovered "accidentally" nude. But I made it turn out that way because I thought it was fun. I was in my twenties at the time, but I'm thinking about it more lately.

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  18. There is a little exhibitionist everyone. though they wont admit it.

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  19. Somehow I missed the additional comments - sorry!

    Secretia Teller, thanks, and, you are braver than I!

    justme, that's probably true. I will admit to *some* exhibitionist streak, but it's definitely not strong enough to purposely stroll around naked in front of random people. At least, not yet!

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