Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Happy New Year, and TMI Tuesday #221

Happy 2010 all. As evidenced by my recent absence, it's apparent that commitment to blogging really isn't my thing. Honestly, commitment of any kind is problematic. This topic could be a future blog post of its own, but in the meantime -

I'll hop back into the blogosphere by cheating. Not feeling like doing a topic of my own, I've realized that it's Tuesday, so I don't have to! As always, I lifted the questions from here: http://tmituesday.blogspot.com/

Would you rather.....

1. Have eyes that always smile or a voice that makes people calm? Most anyone can make their voice calming if they want to. Though except in crisis, I don't see the point of purposely making others calm; this seems boring. So, smiling eyes by default.

2. Have an affair and your partner catches you or your partner have an affair and you catch him/her? "Neither" is the obvious answer. Since that's a cop-out, I'll try to do better.

I suppose if I wasn't really into my partner anymore, it would be more advantageous to catch him having the affair, so I can cut him loose and be the justified one (instead of being the heartless biotch who dumped him).

3. Have better sex or more money? "Both" would be the obvious answer. But to choose one, more money. Because, since I'd have to work at getting either of these things, I'd rather already have the money, and spend my effort on the sex.

4. Be able to read everyone’s mind all the time or always know the future? I wouldn't want to know the future most of the time, let alone all of it. I know I'll have to die someday, but if I knew about it beforehand, I tend to think that would ruin all the time left!

So, by default, read everyone's mind. After all, I can ably tune out people who are talking out loud to me. I don't envision a problem ignoring voices in my head.

5. Your partner have sex with someone else or fall in love with someone else? Again, this sort of depends on if I still want the partner. I tend to lose interest, so, if he could time the falling in love with someone else to coincide with my loss of interest, that would be very obliging of him.

Bonus (as in optional): What one thing, big or small, would you change in your life if granted one wish by a lamp-bound genie? Why? The "what" is: I would very much like the genie to clean my house, preferably in a magical way that will cause the house to self-clean itself for the rest of my natural life.

The "why" is: to answer a question with a question -- is it normal for a girl to have a bachelor pad? In truth I can't even call it a bachelorette pad. That would imply a feminine and/or domestic touch that simply doesn't exist.

So, it would be nice if the house would take care of any mess by itself, particularly during football season. Since neither the nachos in the couch cushions nor the friends who dropped them there clean up after themselves.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Kreativ Blogger Award

I have been in some kind of writing coma this month. Consequently, I didn't get to posting this right away. I would like to thank two fabulous bloggers: Bob, for giving me the Kreative Blogger Award, and Kate, for recognizing this blog at her site with an honourable mention ("u" intended).

Bob's blog http://plainolebob2.blogspot.com/ is one of the best and funniest, so to be acknowledged by him is truly an honor. Thanks Bob!

Kate's blog is Secret Office Confessions http://secretofficeconfessions.blogspot.com/ . This hilarious recounting of the day-to-day hijinx of her workplace is a must-read. Warning: read, and you'll be hooked.

I am following these guidelines for accepting this award:

1. Thank the person who gave the award.

2. Copy the award and place it on your blog.

3. Link to the blog that nominated you.

4. Tell your fellow bloggers 7 things they may not know about you.

5. Pass it on.

I have chosen to pass this award on to an intriguing new blog, The Monique Danger Chronicles http://followmoniquedanger.blogspot.com/ . It's a well-written and entertaining look at an LA girl's dating adventures (and misadventures). I expect this one to catch on with the blogosphere pretty quickly.

And finally, the 7 things you didn't know about me bit:

1. I've never tried an illegal drug of any kind.

2. I dislike shopping malls.

3. I am equally happy living beyond, within, or beneath my means.

4. I am not a worrywart.

5. When I wake up in the morning, I prefer to not know what I'm going to do that day.

6. I generally like bad weather. It has more personality.

7. I've censored the #7 thing you don't know about me due to inappropriate content.

Monday, October 12, 2009

In a Pickle

This entry was inspired by the end of this post http://fgsakes.blogspot.com/2009/09/fgs-its-another-petpeeve.html by FGS. It got me thinking about times I witnessed someone doing something unintentionally sensual, and times that someone was me. Have you ever witnessed (or perpetrated) something inadvertently sexual?

Once, not wanting to bother with dinner at home, I grabbed a bite to eat after work. I was sitting at the bar (which generally ensures the quickest service), and noticed a man occasionally looking over at me. After a long day of work, I wasn't feeling especially attractive, so I didn't at all think it was anything to do with showing interest.

He was within earshot, so after the fourth or fifth time I noticed him looking, I finally had to ask. "What?" He looked startled to actually be called on it, and seemed to consider his words for a moment.

He must've (accurately) decided I appeared more curious than annoyed. I seriously wondered if I had food stuck to my face, or some similarly embarrassing thing. He then said, very slowly, "Do you have... ANY ... idea ... how you look eating that pickle?"

No, actually, I did not! I must've gone three shades of red upon realizing that I hadn't been eating the pickle at all, just kind of absentmindedly sucking the juice out of it while awaiting my entree. He smiled sheepishly and said something like, "well, you asked."

Needless to say, I am exceedingly careful around pickles these days!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

TMI Tuesday #207

Questions found here: http://tmituesday.blogspot.com/

This week's questions:

1. What is your underwear "style" of choce? See profile pic.

2. How old were you when you had your first sexual experience? 13 (if we're counting anything remotely sexual, as opposed to actual sex)

3. What about a potential partner turns you on? Taking charge.

4. Have you ever played a game which may require you or others to disrobe? Nope. Another one for the to-do list!

5. Given or received finger scratch marks during sexual activity? Both. Grrrrrrrrrrowwwwl.

Bonus: How many times is the most you have ever had sex in a 24 hour period? 5

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

TMI Tuesday #206

For anyone who doesn't know, I'm getting the questions each Tuesday from here:


This week's questions:

1. Have you put anything edible on (or in) your partner's body and then eaten it? No

2. Have you ever had an AIDS test due to reasonable suspicion or hyperactive imagination? No

3. Have you ever fantasized about someone else other than your partner while you were engaged in sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation? No

4. Have you ever engaged in sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation while in a moving car? A car being driven by someone not engaged in the sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation? No

5. Have you ever had sex so many times or for so long that one or both people involved runs dry? No

Ok, so, to review, I've never had food sex, an AIDS scare, sex in a moving vehicle, a fantasy about someone while banging someone else, or run dry. Apparently, I'm very boring. Though in some ways (#2 especially), that's a good thing!

Bonus (as in optional): Name 5 things an unplanned (or planned) visitor would find in your bedroom? Bed, belt, lotion, panties, and me (clothing optional).

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

TMI Tuesday #205

As a Blogger newbie, I’ve come to enjoy reading others’ Tuesday blog posts. I've decided to give up my TMI Tuesday virginity by posting the weekly quiz here for the first time:
1. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
Britney Spears. It would free up the media to cover something I might actually care about.
2. You seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
At a spa, because it could be a nice change of pace to get a massage from someone who doesn’t expect sex afterwards. (Ok, admittedly, I'm usually the one who expects sex afterwards).
3. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
1912, where I would stand on the docks shouting “Don’t get on that ship!!”
4. What is your favorite curse word?
This is like asking a mother which is her favorite child.
5. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
Jude Law. He strikes me as someone who’d be sufficiently inventive.
Bonus (as in optional): You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
Invisibility. This way, in the unlikely event Jude turns out to be a dud, I can climb unnoticed into the bed of another, more gifted movie star.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Accidentally Naked

Some recent posts on other blogs (along with my own last entry) brought a subject to mind that I haven’t thought about in awhile: accidental exposure. Specifically, those times when you really don’t mean to be naked in front of random people, but somehow that’s the way the chips (or clothes) fall. I have already recounted my the story of my unintentional lakeside nude theater performance.

This incident doesn’t stand alone in my accidentally exposed annals. (Note: I had no idea this sentence was funny until I read it back before posting.) Of course, nearly every woman has experienced some sort of bikini/swimsuit malfunction, so it comforts me to know there is a sisterhood of accidental nudes. Still, I do wonder if my unintended exposures number a bit on the high side for one girl.

One especially embarrassing incident occurred during a summer babysitting job. The family decided upon a trip to the beach, and I had gone into a guest room to change into a modest one-piece swimsuit. Unfortunately, exactly as my panties (my last piece of clothing) dropped to the floor, the children’s father strolled into the room.

Picture it: Thirtysomething red-blooded man walks in on stark naked virginal teenaged babysitter. I know, it sounds like the beginning of bad porn, but it wasn’t sexy at all. We both momentarily froze from the shock!

Our brains must have clicked back on simultaneously, with him red-cheeked and blustering, “Sorry!”, while I futilely tried to cover my important bits with my hands, shrieking “GET OUUUUTTT!” In retrospect, probably not the ideal move on my part, considering the wife was downstairs, and it should’ve caused her to come running. The gods of pity must’ve been with me that day, because she was outside, which was the only possible way she could’ve avoided hearing my scream.

The father tried to apologize to me later, but I stopped him, probably by covering my ears with my hands to indicate that we would never, ever talk about this again. I don't think either of us told the wife, which interests me, because while neither of us tried to do something wrong, we both felt guilty of something. This feeling must’ve subsided quickly enough, because I don’t remember subsequently looking at this man for the rest of the summer and thinking, “he saw me naked.”

Another incident occurred a few years later. While I have previously extolled the benefits of hotels, I must advise that one should always inspect one’s hotel room upon arrival. On this particular trip, I was quite tired upon checking in.

As I entered the room and turned on the lights, I immediately dropped my bags to the floor. I began peeling off my clothes in eager anticipation of a welcome hot shower. Since my room was at least ten floors up, it never occurred to me to close the curtains before undressing.

After discarding the last of my clothing, I couldn’t help but notice the room was a bit chilly. I made my way over to the air conditioning unit by the window, adjusting the settings to my liking. Suddenly, a movement outside the window caught my eye.

I belatedly realized I was looking down into an indoor courtyard, which conveniently contained a bar full of people! Who were in turn eyeing me without a scrap of clothing on. Again, I had that “freezing” moment, before grabbing the curtains and dragging them to cover the window!

I stood there momentarily, with the images of these unsuspecting people’s shocked, amused, and even appreciative faces imprinted on my brain. Then, I couldn’t help it. I fell onto the bed in peals of laughter.

Being older by now and more confident of my body, I was at least able to enjoy the humor in having unwittingly given them such a memorable free show. My sense of humor, however, does only get me so far. This next inadvertently exposed moment was the kind of thing I’d find funnier if it happened to someone else!

I was relaxing in the comfort of my own home, which ought to be the safest naked place possible. I live in a rural setting, and even the nearest neighbors cannot see into my house from theirs. My den does feature a huge bay window, though, so you know where this is going.

Normally, I change in a bedroom. On this day, the clothes I wanted were in the closest room off the den. Since the den is more spacious, I carried my outfit only as far as there to begin changing.

As I peeled off the last bit of my clothing (I do really need to start looking around before chucking the panties), I felt this strange sensation of someone else’s presence. I was alone in the house, so initially discounted it. Unable to shake the feeling for several seconds, I finally looked to the window to reassure myself.

What I saw was anything but reassuring. The neighbors’ developmentally disabled teenaged son was standing on my porch, face pressed to the glass. As I unleashed my blood-curdling scream, the boy whipped his head away from the window, disappearing from view.

He hadn’t, however, departed. After a few seconds went by, I heard a knock on the front door. Followed by the very much quavering voice of the teen, saying his parents wanted to know if I needed help mowing my lawn.

I immediately snapped out, “Nooo…. thanks anyway….” in the hopes he would just go away. It amused me later that although he had watched me undress, I thanked him, but my primary aim at that time was to just get rid of him! Besides, I knew he hadn’t come over with the intention of peeping, but since the opportunity presented itself…. even the slowest of teenage boys understands such chances are few and far between.

This particular occurrence of unintended exposure bothered me a lot more than the others. I think the combination of his age and his handicap just made it all very uncomfortable. He must’ve told his dad, and strangely, I ended up being glad for this.

Probably because his dad was able to reassure me I didn’t scar the lad for life. Later, after noticing the boy always had a huge smile for me following the incident, I realized that I likely gave the kid the thrill of his life to that point, and resolved not to be so uptight about it. Still, after that, I did always check my surroundings before changing in the den!